Sing a song of seasons!
Something bright in all!
Flowers in the summer,
Fires in the fall!
~ Robert Louis Stevenson
At a dinner party last week, my friend Jennifer pointed out that spring and autumn are transitional seasons. She said, "You can't live in a place where it's fall all the time." If I could, I would. I think I would any way. Maybe I wouldn't love it so much if I had access to it all the time. As long as I live in a four-season world, however, autumn is my favorite. It's a treat for all the senses--seeing the foliage, hearing a crackling fire, smelling apple cider, feeling a chilly breeze, and tasting pumpkin-spice latte (or pumpkin-spice anything). This autumn is bittersweet for me. While the season showed up right on time--even a little early--I am sad because a friendship of mine has ended. This guy friend has been in my life for twelve years. We met in the fall of 1998 at college. Without going into too many details, I'll just say that his fiancee is uncomfortable with our friendship. He's explained to her many times that I am not a threat. I've reached out to her in an attempt to have us get to know each other one-on-one. Her reluctance never subsided. The final blow came when he told me I would not be invited to their wedding in October.
He told me he would still like to try and keep in touch, but I would not. I liken this to not being invited to my brother's wedding. I'd never truly be welcome in their home, and that's no fun for me. He is my very dear friend, and I'd like to get to know the woman he loves. Alas, she has no desire to know me, and that's that. The decision has been made. There's nothing to do but be disappointed and wait for the sun to come out.
What's helping me through the situation is autumn herself. This glorious transitional season reminds me that nothing is permanent, and you only make life harder on yourself by resisting change. No relationship remains the same. Everything takes on a new form--jobs, friendships, marriages, children. The best thing to do is try to find the beauty in every season. Once this pain has passed, I will wish them well and be grateful for the years I knew him.
2 comments:
I applaud your courage to share such a vulnerable experience with us all. I KNOW it's something we all can relate to and your sharing how you have handled it is an inspiration. Namaste.
I've been learning a bit about ayurveda this year, and I think it's so brilliant that the sister science of yoga honors and mirrors the seasonal changes in the Earth with the changes in our bodies. I grew up in Maine with bountiful seasons, and in my twenties I lived in Florida for one winter to see if I would miss them. Oh, how I missed the colorful leaves and even the snow! I was a bit caught off guard by just HOW MUCH I missed the seasons- achingly.
Letting go can be really HARD, but you are most definitely following your heart and honoring yourself, which is most important.
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