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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

mending a broken heart

it's funny how life throws curve balls. constantly. recently i had my heart broken with a serious dagger plunged straight in.

i believe that the giver of said dagger was not intending to do so, however i've been slow to recover. tears flooded in a way i haven't experienced in years. (yes, even from the silly B+ - that was a mere whimper and maybe one or two forced tears). but not this experience. nope, full-fledged waterfall of tears that continued for a couple of days.

sometimes old wounds are tapped in a way that we don't even recognize. this comment has affected my sleep, my confidence, my state of being. but its effects are subsiding. slowly but surely.

criticism is beneficial, but the presentation of criticism is the key factor. compassion being the operative word.

at first i intended to rebel. then give up, throw in the towel and be done with the nonsense i've done my best to handle for years. honestly, i go back and forth with this fairytale. yet i know that is the child in me wanting to pout. and pout. and pout some more.

instead i put my big girl pants back on and am doing my best to move forward as if the comment was never made.

sure i'm processing the comment. sure i'm trying to figure out why it cut to the core. sure it will take some healing. but basking in the negativity around it (espeically when i don't believe it was meant to cut as deeply as it did) is no way to grow.

doing my best to grow sans broken heart.


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Kristine said...

I'm so sorry to hear you're experiencing such a challenge. But at the same time I appreciate you posting about it. I too have recently experienced heartache and have been feeling quite alone, but your post reminds me that we all experience these things and we are not alone in that. We are all working through our challenges and trying to figure out our own buttons to better understand ourselves and so it doesn't hurt so much the next time that button gets pushed.

me in millions said...

I hope everything is good with your beau and it wasn't him that broke your heart. And I hope this makes you feel better... I took my first class today at Tranquil Space and it was really amazing and inspiring. I'm looking forward to taking future classes at the Arlington studio. (Longtime lurker)

Lisa said...

Aww. I don't know the details, but I do know you are a sweet soul, and I am sorry to see you hurting.

You are a bright light to so many - don't let anyone dim that light!

Kisses for your booboo xxx

kimberly wilson said...

ahh, all is great with beau. never fear! yay for taking a class at tranquil space. delighted to hear! xx

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear this! It's easy to say "don't take it personal", but its incredibly hard to NOT take it personal especially if the person who said it is someone you respect. Just remember you are doing some amazing things in this world! Keep your chin up...mani pedi maybe?! xo

itchy said...

That's the price you pay when you live authentically. Not everybody is going to like everything you do. Screw 'em. I think you're brilliant.

moi said...

searing. my heart goes out to you. remember to breathe. and smile.

B said...

Hello Kimberly,

I'm so sorry you are in this place. You bring so much happiness generously to others, and I wish the same reflected back to you.

kimberly wilson said...

a BIG thanks for all your kind comments! it's amazing how simply sharing the experience has had tremendous effects on the healing process.

thank you all for joining me on this journey of life. i'm honored! xx

Vintage Butterfly said...

Kimberly, you are truly a wonderful person who has given me more then words could ever express. I don't know who or what was said, but I do know that you can get past this. You are human like us, and it is ok to feel things, and to be hurt. I am glad that you have decided to take this opportunity to stand up and be proud of yourself and move on. Just know that sometimes when others criticize us, it is actually the thing that they themselves have the hardest time dealing with. Maybe the comment was not so much about you, but about them not being able to handle what a wonderful person you are. When some people are as good as you, it makes people have to become better, and those who don't want to put forth the effort to better themselves, sometimes will find flaws and faults of those who should be inspiring them. Head up. We all think you are fabulous!! :)

Carolyn said...

You are a kind sweet and giving soul- BOO to anyone who hurts your feelings. I've been in those kitten heels and it is not fun.. Just remember you have an amazing circle of fabs women who will be there to catch you when someone tries to make you fall...xoxo

Lynne from NY said...

So sad to hear this. Remember that the universe gives us teachers and lessons every day.

I'm reading 'The Fifth Agreement'. Don Miguel Ruiz. If you haven't, you must. It reviews the Four Agreements and then goes beyond. I think it might help you now.

This too shall pass. Glad you shared with us, we care :)

Sallie Ann said...

Oh, Kimberly,

I just sent you snail mail, but had I had any idea about your broken heart I would have added glitter to the envelope. You are such a wonderful, sunshiney person, and I'm sure it makes everyone who you inspire sad to know you're sad. Take good care of that heart. Sometimes I too feel like fighting back, but on the rare chance I do, I just feel more rotten. Feel better, sweet girl.

Sallie Ann

Carrie said...

Kimberly, I am so very sorry this has happened to you.
I have this theory... there is a gang of big meanies going from sweet souls to inspiring blogs and being just plain awful, in order to elicit some kind of big meanie personal satisfaction. I say this because recently both me and a number of others I've seen online have been afflicted with similar challenges.
The reason... as good people, we are so open and care so much about the world as a whole, that the big meanies use that to sneak their awful ways in. Sadly, they are not very open and do not care very much about others, and just want to spread their big meanie rants.
The solution... we band together with the people and things that bring us joy and make us smile. In life, I believe, we all strive to be the best that we can be, and you are especially exceptional at this. I hope you see beyond this big meanie to all of the incredible good you've done, selflessly, for all of those around you, including me! XOXO

YolandaPeralta said...

Thank you for sharing your tender story from the heart. Stories are medicine. I pray your heart heals soon. Sending you blessings y besitos.

YolandaPeralta said...

Thank you for sharing your tender story from your heart. Stories are medicine. I pray your heart heals soon. Sending you blessings y besitos.

Rachel said...

Something similar happened to me recently. It broke my heart as well and I'm not sure how to recover. It was by someone who is a yogi; someone who teaches others to be kind; I think it stung me harder than other experiences because of it. It's shaken my core.

Sarah said...

Sorry to hear about this awful situation. Criticism can be a blessing or it can just be simply painful. When I hear such comments, I often remind myself that when others judge, it is usually because there is something about themselves, they are not liking in that moment. Unfortunately, for most it is easier to blame or criticize others than it is to focus on our own problems.

yublocka said...

Aww Kimberley, I am really behind at catching up on my blog feeds. This post really hit me though, as part of me went through a similar "death" last year. I hope you're feeling better now.