Monday, September 17, 2012

happy 100th gramma

today is the 100th birthday of my beloved gramma. in anticipation of this special day, i kept it as open as possible to write and reflect while still planning to teach my two classes tonight. this has all changed. 

woke up and proceeded as normal - fed and nurtured animals, penned meatless monday blog post, prioritized MITs for the day/week, spread the word online for wednesday's pigs sanctuary event. then it hit me. a big wave o' grief. i put out an unanticipated request for subs and tears were able to flow. i'm not much of a crier. prefer to be somewhat stoic despite my girly nature. not today. 

pulling together this collage was therapeutic. the laughter, the chocolate, the cards, the love of accessories, the naps, the yoga that we shared. we had a good run and i was blessed to have her in my life 38.5 years. yet it wasn't enough. i want more. selfish? maybe.

i've scheduled a massage this evening (how i nurtured myself upon returning home after being with her when she died february 20) and plan to go slowly the rest of the day. it's hard to know how best to honor her on this anniversary of her birth. i'm holding tight and letting it unfold naturally with only a dose of self-care on the schedule. feels like what the doctor ordered.

bisous. x

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Stacy Dobecka said...

Oh Kim - Today is my daughter, Julia's, 21st birthday. I posted this morning on FB about how her daddy took me to Kmart to buy and Icee on the way to the hospital...since I knew they wouldn't let me have anything once I got settled in. (and that's what I craved and had almost daily:)

It was a fond memory of a time past, when I was just a child myself.

Taking my littles still at home to get an Icee today - and have a phone call with their older sister.

Everytime I think about it, I feel spirits and angels and its the warmest comfort.

Have you found your sweet gramma yet? I pray that she slips in today to wrap you with lots of love. You know, I lost my grandparents when I was a lot younger than you and have missed them so badly. After about 3 or so years, one day it dawned on me..."If I haven't stopped loving them, what makes me think they have stopped loving me." Since then, I have convinced myself that angels love us from heaven.

Don't cry because she was gone - dance because she was wonderful - (and she still hangs around.)

Happy Birthday to our girls.

Stacy in Texas

Cara said...

Well, Stacy said it better than I ever could. My father died when I was 5 and every year on his birthday I take a little time to reflect and remember.

My heart goes out to you and your family today. Over the years as I've read your blog, I've been inspired and touched by the close relationship you had with your grandmother. From your descriptions of her, I almost feel like I know her, too.

Yvonne said...

Big hugs to you, Kimberly. Your love for your grandmother always comes through. I'm thinking she knew exactly what she meant to you because you meant the same to her.
Even in your grief, it sounds like you're aware of and doing what you need to do today to nurture yourself. This is what you teach all of us! And this is what you are showing us now. It seems to me that all of the yoga and meditation, the journaling and creative outlets, soaking baths, sipping tea, sharing and giving and enjoying life have given you the strength to get you through the really hard things. Doesn't make them easy but I know it strengthens our spirit. Reading your blog and your books and taking the seasonal podcasts and online classes have helped me and continue to help me get through a rough time. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Gina said...

I absolutely adore the photo of you and your gramma doing yoga! How wonderful that you put together this collage. It is a catharsis for you - and a wonderful tribute to her.
Hugs to you!